ADHD calm down strategies: 16 ideas for kids, teens and adults

Many people with ADHD describe feelings that arrive fast, feel huge and take a while to settle. Difficulty regulating emotions is widely recognised alongside ADHD, even though it isn't part of the formal diagnostic criteria. Add in noise, tiredness, hunger or a sudden change of plan, and the brain's brakes have even less grip.

That's why 'just calm down' never works. In the middle of a wave, the part of you that reasons and plans is offline. Strategies that work through the body come first, and the talking, reflecting and problem-solving come later. Our guide to ADHD emotional regulation explains the bigger picture.

Breathe and slow down. 1. Slow, even breathing: in through your nose for a count of 1 to 5, out gently for 1 to 5, without holding, for 3 to 5 minutes (this is the NHS breathing exercise for stress). 2. A longer out-breath: many people find breathing out for longer than they breathe in especially settling. 3. Box breathing: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, tracing a square with your finger.

Change the temperature. 4. Splash cold water on your face or hold something cold. 5. Wrap up in something warm and heavy, like a blanket or hoodie.

Move it out. 6. One minute of hard movement: star jumps, a fast walk, stomping, running up the stairs. 7. Push against a wall as hard as you can for ten seconds, then let go. 8. Squeeze and release: a cushion, a stress ball, your own fists.

Turn the world down. 9. Leave the room, even for two minutes. 10. Headphones on, lights down, screens away. 11. A fidget or something to hold, if it helps you (see below).

Ground yourself. 12. 5-4-3-2-1: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste. 13. Feet flat on the floor and notice the weight of your body in the chair.

Then, once the wave has dropped. 14. Name it and rate it: 'I'm angry, about a 7.' 15. Write it out, scribble it out or colour it out; our free colouring pages are there for exactly this. 16. Pick one small next step, not the whole problem.

You don't need all sixteen. Try a few when you're calm, notice which ones actually help, and keep a shortlist of three. If the wave is anxiety more than anger or overwhelm, how to calm anxiety fast goes deeper.

A calm down box (or calm corner) is a small kit of things that help, ready before anyone needs it. It works for children, teens and adults, because the hardest moment to think of a calming idea is when you're the least calm.

Good things to include: something to squeeze (a stress ball, putty, slime), something to fiddle with (a fidget, a tangle, a smooth stone), something soft (a small blanket, a cuddly toy, a fluffy sock), something to look at (a glitter jar, a favourite photo), something to do with your hands (a colouring page and pencils, a puzzle book), ear defenders or headphones, a water bottle, and a card with your three favourite strategies written on it.

Build it together with a child when everyone is settled, and let them choose and decorate it, so it feels like theirs rather than a punishment. Keep it somewhere easy to reach, and treat going to it as a skill, not being sent away. My Calm-Down Plan is a printable to fill in together, and older kids can use Turn Down the Volume.

Fidget toys: honestly, the research is mixed and mostly small. Some studies suggest movement can help some children with ADHD stay on task, but there's no strong evidence that fidget toys improve attention or learning, and some toys are more distracting than calming. Treat them as a personal experiment: if one helps you or your child settle, use it; if it becomes the main event, swap it for something quieter like putty or a smooth stone.

Music: plenty of people find a familiar song, calm instrumental music or steady background noise helps them come down, and others find any sound too much when they're overloaded. Make a short calm playlist in advance so you're not scrolling mid-wave. Our guide to ADHD focus music covers what people find helpful for concentration.

Weighted blankets, swings, trampolines and other sensory tools are similar: some people love them, research is limited, and what matters is what works for you.

Children borrow our calm before they can make their own. In a meltdown, get low, keep your voice quiet and your sentences short ('You're safe. I'm here. Let's breathe.'), and breathe slowly where they can see you. Save the talking, the lesson and any consequences for later.

Practise the strategies when everyone is calm, as games: blowing out birthday candles on your fingers, 'smell the flower, blow the candle', stomping like an elephant. Skills practised in calm moments are the ones that turn up in hard ones.

Look for patterns. Many meltdowns happen at transitions, or when a child is hungry, tired or overloaded. My Feelings Thermometer gives them a way to say 'I'm at orange' before they reach red.

This is self-help, not medical advice. If meltdowns are frequent, very intense or affecting school or family life, talk to your GP or the school's SENCo. If you or your child ever feel unsafe or have thoughts of harming yourselves, Samaritans are free any time on 116 123, and young people can call Childline free on 0800 1111.